You know you're in Malawi when ...

You know you’re in Malawi when:
• When you look at a proposal for a building project where sand is measured by units of oxcart.
• People, both male and female, ask for your phone number three questions into a conversation.
• Every third article in the newspaper is about ufiti, witchcraft.
• People flash you, a 2-second then hang up call, 2-3 times a day.
• Laying out at night to gaze at the stars you see at least 3 shooting stars every 20 min or so.
• The number one “spice” is salt.
• The stoplights, newly put in in the North’s biggest city, still cause confusion, a red light is more of a suggestion rather than law.
• Two of the three women walking into the local grocery have a child attached to the teat, still suckling even mid step.
• You’ve been around too many British ex-pats that “bloody” replaces “fuck” in your swear vocabulary.
• The third question in any new conversation is “are you married?” (the answer is always yes, fyi)
• You know it’s rainy season when you have to kick goats out of your pit latrine during a downpour.